At the risk of living in the past I am going to post my first "Single Guy" article I wrote for Fuller Seminary's SEMI. I will edit names to protect the innocent:
Single Guy 2004
(This article is dedicated to the memory of the Single Guy, the Lord of the Garth—Congradulations on your marriage!)
by Adam...
When you transition to another phase in life, be it college or seminary or your first job, you have anxious desires to find someone “special” who would be your sunshine, who would make your rainy days not so blue. People have asked me, “Adam, why don’t you date people at Fuller.” I can’t say it is because there is a lack of beautiful women, or that my heart does not desire romance.
One of the first people I met when I came to Fuller Seminary was a guy named Greg P. Two years in a row he wrote two articles about dating at Fuller for the Semi and was deemed, by himself and others, as the “Fuller Single Guy.” This is not my attempt to follow in Greg’s footsteps; my feet are only so big- but I would like to share of myself- take it for what it is worth.
Shortly after Greg and I became good friends he encouraged me to write an article for the Semi, following in the tradition of the “Fuller Single Guy.” I ended up writing an article- I am always one to take somebody up on a challenge- but it was far from Greg’s single guy article. Instead I wrote about how a friend of mine died in high school, who I had not told how special she was. She was beautiful, but I did not want to come across as just another guy who was trying to flirt with her, nor did I care to look stupid. Over her grave I promised myself that I would not let beauty pass me by without acknowledging it.
Now that I have spent a couple more years here, I have become a bit bolder and don’t mind opening my heart for the world of Fuller Seminary to see. Rich Mullins once said at one of his last concerts, “Everybody always goes, ‘Oh, you're single, what a tragedy.’ And I'm kinda like, well, yeah, from about 10 till 2 it is a tragedy. But that time is a tragedy for most married people as well.”
My whole life I have been trying to figure things out. Perhaps one of the reasons I am at Fuller is because I am so curious about God, so much that four years at college studying religion was not enough. While God is confusing, that is okay, because God never promised not to be confusing. The same goes with women, no one ever told me that I would one day understand women. Deep down I have always really wanted to know myself- and I think this is where a lot of people mess their lives up. When you are afraid of looking at yourself or spending time with yourself, no wonder you don’t do the things that you probably should do. Now, I have one of the healthiest fears of commitment you will find. We all have been hurt and maybe even hurt others. This area of life leaves the worst scars and bruises us fairly easy, so I tend to tread lightly. Chesterton once said that the reason angels could fly was because they took themselves lightly. I have tried to take note.
Right now there is so much already distracting me from God, mostly schoolwork, Dating is dangerous, especially for me because I tend to distract easily. When I sit down with God I need to know that it will be about God and not about how I am feeling about some girl. I am not mature enough right now not to get sidetracked- I wonder if I ever will be. You may say that it is inevitable that you want to “pray for” your special friend more, but all that I have experienced is that I tend to want to think about them more and call it praying for them. When praying ceases to be about God it turns into fantasy. I would like to at least feel a bit closer to God, if that is possible, before I get into the relationship that would change my entire life.
When you get to Fuller the temptation is to think, “Holy Cow, look at all these single Christians!” While I have seen many good friends meet each other and get married and be happy, I have also seen very good people get in situations that are very bad, because they wanted to date each other. While that is good for some, I don’t know if I have the emotions and energy (not to mention the money) to spend on making a mistake (even if it will be one of my favorite mistakes).
Before Greg P there was a guy who wrote an article that prompted Greg to write his, in which he talked about dating at Fuller. A week after the article was published he met the girl who would one day be his wife. Greg was hoping that would be the case (instead he had to wait a couple years and marry the girl he always had a crush on, Christina Lee). I would be lying if I said that I don’t somewhat hope the same would happen to me, but honestly it would be a bit untimely. When you pray for the world, be careful- for you just might get it.
Do not get me wrong, there are few things I desire more than a family and a wife, or just someone I can be truly honest and love deeper than most people. Most of the times when I get lonely I long more for having kids than I do for having a wife. I thought this was pretty weird until I read that St. Francis might have struggled more about not having kids than not being married. The feelings are there, and while I agree (to some extent) with Friedrich Schleiermacher about how feelings are genuine spiritual experiences, I don’t want to give them too much weight. I know where they will take me.
Where the flowers meet the chocolate is when you are living you just can’t plan things out with too much accuracy, unless your life is overly mundane or you are extremely realistic. When you live you run the risk of falling in love, but I guess that is what life is all about.
My name is Adam, I am 25 years old and I am a single guy. As Rich Mullins would say: this is the world as best as I can remember it.
(This article is dedicated to the memory of the Single Guy, the Lord of the Garth—Congradulations on your marriage!)
by Adam...
When you transition to another phase in life, be it college or seminary or your first job, you have anxious desires to find someone “special” who would be your sunshine, who would make your rainy days not so blue. People have asked me, “Adam, why don’t you date people at Fuller.” I can’t say it is because there is a lack of beautiful women, or that my heart does not desire romance.
One of the first people I met when I came to Fuller Seminary was a guy named Greg P. Two years in a row he wrote two articles about dating at Fuller for the Semi and was deemed, by himself and others, as the “Fuller Single Guy.” This is not my attempt to follow in Greg’s footsteps; my feet are only so big- but I would like to share of myself- take it for what it is worth.
Shortly after Greg and I became good friends he encouraged me to write an article for the Semi, following in the tradition of the “Fuller Single Guy.” I ended up writing an article- I am always one to take somebody up on a challenge- but it was far from Greg’s single guy article. Instead I wrote about how a friend of mine died in high school, who I had not told how special she was. She was beautiful, but I did not want to come across as just another guy who was trying to flirt with her, nor did I care to look stupid. Over her grave I promised myself that I would not let beauty pass me by without acknowledging it.
Now that I have spent a couple more years here, I have become a bit bolder and don’t mind opening my heart for the world of Fuller Seminary to see. Rich Mullins once said at one of his last concerts, “Everybody always goes, ‘Oh, you're single, what a tragedy.’ And I'm kinda like, well, yeah, from about 10 till 2 it is a tragedy. But that time is a tragedy for most married people as well.”
My whole life I have been trying to figure things out. Perhaps one of the reasons I am at Fuller is because I am so curious about God, so much that four years at college studying religion was not enough. While God is confusing, that is okay, because God never promised not to be confusing. The same goes with women, no one ever told me that I would one day understand women. Deep down I have always really wanted to know myself- and I think this is where a lot of people mess their lives up. When you are afraid of looking at yourself or spending time with yourself, no wonder you don’t do the things that you probably should do. Now, I have one of the healthiest fears of commitment you will find. We all have been hurt and maybe even hurt others. This area of life leaves the worst scars and bruises us fairly easy, so I tend to tread lightly. Chesterton once said that the reason angels could fly was because they took themselves lightly. I have tried to take note.
Right now there is so much already distracting me from God, mostly schoolwork, Dating is dangerous, especially for me because I tend to distract easily. When I sit down with God I need to know that it will be about God and not about how I am feeling about some girl. I am not mature enough right now not to get sidetracked- I wonder if I ever will be. You may say that it is inevitable that you want to “pray for” your special friend more, but all that I have experienced is that I tend to want to think about them more and call it praying for them. When praying ceases to be about God it turns into fantasy. I would like to at least feel a bit closer to God, if that is possible, before I get into the relationship that would change my entire life.
When you get to Fuller the temptation is to think, “Holy Cow, look at all these single Christians!” While I have seen many good friends meet each other and get married and be happy, I have also seen very good people get in situations that are very bad, because they wanted to date each other. While that is good for some, I don’t know if I have the emotions and energy (not to mention the money) to spend on making a mistake (even if it will be one of my favorite mistakes).
Before Greg P there was a guy who wrote an article that prompted Greg to write his, in which he talked about dating at Fuller. A week after the article was published he met the girl who would one day be his wife. Greg was hoping that would be the case (instead he had to wait a couple years and marry the girl he always had a crush on, Christina Lee). I would be lying if I said that I don’t somewhat hope the same would happen to me, but honestly it would be a bit untimely. When you pray for the world, be careful- for you just might get it.
Do not get me wrong, there are few things I desire more than a family and a wife, or just someone I can be truly honest and love deeper than most people. Most of the times when I get lonely I long more for having kids than I do for having a wife. I thought this was pretty weird until I read that St. Francis might have struggled more about not having kids than not being married. The feelings are there, and while I agree (to some extent) with Friedrich Schleiermacher about how feelings are genuine spiritual experiences, I don’t want to give them too much weight. I know where they will take me.
Where the flowers meet the chocolate is when you are living you just can’t plan things out with too much accuracy, unless your life is overly mundane or you are extremely realistic. When you live you run the risk of falling in love, but I guess that is what life is all about.
My name is Adam, I am 25 years old and I am a single guy. As Rich Mullins would say: this is the world as best as I can remember it.
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